going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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