Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
