My first STD was from a foam party
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
