so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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