I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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