There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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