Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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