i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
