everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
