I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
