I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
