Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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