I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
