i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He keeps bees of course he's weird
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
