Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
