i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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