They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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