I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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