home. puking in laundry basket.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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