Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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