Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
