I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
