Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
