i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Randomize
