I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He felt like a one man threesome
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
