The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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