Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
