i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
