wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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