I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She even gives head with a lisp.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
