woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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