wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
