life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
