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Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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