Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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