It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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