Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
