you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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