I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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