Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
