K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
