I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
