Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
