I haven't been this sober since birth.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
