Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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