so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
