Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
