we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
