# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
