I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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