chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
