and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
im holly from the hills drunk
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
