dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you inspire me to be a worse person
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
