in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have feelings that need drinking.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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